THE VALUE OF OBSERVATION

I recently wrote about stress and paying attention to the idea that we volunteer for a great deal of our stress we experience. In this article I am taking that idea even further by offering another practice. The practice of OBSERVATION.



Emotional reaction! Upon seeing a specific person, hearing a tone of voice or hearing certain words spoken we often experience a feeling the blood flood to our face, clammy hands, or tightness in our chest or throat and sometimes even panic.



These are all real body symptoms of an emotional attachment to something real or imagined. As a response we sometimes yell, we stomp around, we choose not to speak to others, we pout, we roll our eyes, we make a face, we procrastinate, or we over medicate.



Actually it seems like it would be healthier if we just threw ourselves on the floor and had a good tantrum and be done with it.



Having been a lifelong overreacter, (it gets exhausting after a while), I began to wonder about these responses. Just what is at the root of them? I had two situations within a short period of time with two different people that evoked in me a highly dramatic response that I had not felt in a very looooong time.



I was enraged, I was furious; I was having a major meltdown. Once I was over my fit, I took a moment to consider that each of these situations was entirely different, but my physical responses were very similar. What was the common thread?



The common thread between the events became apparent, but only after I took the time to uncover, or rediscover the hidden fear. The truth about it came from my feelings that lay deep inside. Finally the truth telling to myself, I realized that once I was willing to look at what the trigger was for me, this type of person or other similar circumstances would no longer have power over me. The benefit being I wouldn't have this response.



The next step was to just observe the behavior of others.



The observation of another's behavior became fascinating, curious and mildly amusing. No longer were the emotional reactions necessary for me.



This was my journey in learning the practice of observation. The key to this practice is to clearly get in and root around to uncover what the trigger is for you. You will surely find that your first answer is, "I have no idea", which we know is a lie. (As an aside, confusion, not knowing, etc. is always a lie. We always know, we just don't want to own up to it).



Once you discover the trigger that the behavior of another or a specific situation which has evoked an upset response in the past, it will have no longer have a hold on you and you can observe it without the drama.



I often use the analogy with my clients about the child who is afraid the boogey man is under the bed. Once you shine the light and see there is no boogey man, the fear evaporates. Usually it evaporates forever.



Here are some tips to help you use the practice of observation:



1. When you find yourself having a negative emotional response, pay attention to it. Notice what is happening both inside and outside of you. Are you feeling frustrated, guilty or fearful? Perhaps it isn’t appropriate to uncover this at the moment, but don’t lose sight of the moment and as soon as you can get in there and investigate you will learn the source of the upset.



2. Be brutally honest with yourself - you will be surprised what the source is. In another article I mentioned how the word "lazy" evoked a response in me that was a complete surprise. By being rigidly honest with yourself you will learn when you hit the trigger. i.e. Is it yelling, is it someone telling you that you made a mistake.



3. Imagine stepping outside yourself and your response becomes only observing what is happening. Be a visitor, not connected to the event or circumstances, but merely watching. If you begin to react, STOP, and step back again to neutral.



4. Notice if you try to force a feeling of neutrality. You will soon find yourself completely tired out. Surrender to the practice of observation. It can be just like watching a movie.



As you become more rigorous with yourself each time you are tempted to react in the "old" way, remind yourself that you do have a choice.



If you continue with that old behavior, ask this question, "What is my payoff for staying engaged in behavior that diminishes me?"



Soon you will discover that it will be unnecessary to overreact. You will be more productive. You will have taken one more step closer to living your life from a pro-active position. Let others squander their precious life’s energy overreacting. YOU have much too much to accomplish in this life to waste another minute.



And remember - Focus Forward!